• Lives in Colorado. Writes everywhere.

    Adam Steininger has always loved words. Especially funny ones like banana or Jabberwocky, or a Jabberwocky eating a banana.

     

    Adam is a comedy writer and former heavyweight pizza slinger living alongside the Front Range of Colorful Colorado.

     

    He has pieces published in the Westword, Points in Case, and Waxing Humorous. His narrative essay, “The World is Not Your Toilet,” was published in The Snarktastic Guide to College Success.

     

    Adam holds a bachelor's degree in English from the University of Colorado Denver with a strong emphasis in composition, journalism, and creative writing. Literally, he's clutching and rubbing it like a genie lamp in hopes that Robin Williams will pop out.

  • FUNNY PIECES

    Published and fully furnished

    Points in Case

    Traffic is moving slowly, just like advancements in quantum teleportation.

    Westword

    Geeks love metal more than the computers on which they listen to it. They yearn for heavy metal that was forged by Orcs in the mountains of Mordor, smuggled halfway across the universe on Serenity and then discovered by Silver Surfer while scouting for delicious planets. These bands aren't necessarily geeks themselves -- many could rip the head off a vile beast with their bare bear hands. They are just universally beloved by geek mortals of Earth because of their diction and artistic execution.

    Waxing Humorous

    As a cold, isolated chunk of ice, I don’t want to sink you as so many other icebergs do in a screaming catastrophe; I want to keep you buoyant. As the rest of the iceberg below the tip, I support the tip by keeping it afloat. If you stop reading this, life will continue to suck and sink from this moment forward.

    "The World is Not Your Toilet"

    Before your parents dump you off at college, they’ll probably tell you something like, “Shoot for the stars kid,” or “The world is your oyster.” But I’d like to amend that phrase. My words of wisdom for you are the world is not your toilet.

    Posted on Medium

    The Stubbed Toe Hornet only stings the big and little toe. Typically strikes those who dare to be barefoot. Can sting through a tennis shoe but not a steel-toed boot. Depending on the size of the hornet’s stinger, it can bruise a toenail or even sheer it straight off. Not only physically stings its victims, but also stings their mood, which can potentially set in motion the ruination of an entire 24-hour day. This is just awful, isn’t it?

  • Find me

    The digital me

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